Possibly the greatest insult ever, due to the sheer randomness of it. Bob: Do you have the time? Fred : Your mum Bob: Shut up, you fag.
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She tripped over her Cath Kidston change bagskidded on her highly polished kitchen floor and landed in an immaculately executed rainbow cake suffocating in the butter cream. Thank fuck for that. I get it — we like Bad Mum, she swears, she drinks, she reads her smartphone in the park while the kids face plant off the roundabout. It makes me a mum.
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There are certain inalienable truths about parenting, I know because I've shouted them at my own parents on numerous occasions from teen to twenty something still shouting. Is still my all time fave, and gets straight to the point. Forget the science involved in the "You didn't breast feed me therefore our relationship is shit". Or the opposite "You breast-fed me for far too long and now I am a moron unable to leave home".
Sitting in a therapist's lately, we went over the abysmal state of my life. When the subject of my parents came up, I explained that, though I didn't feel like I'd ever truly connected with them, I didn't want to complain when, clearly, so many of my problems were my fault. My therapist said their lives sounded a lot like mine, that those with low self-esteem me often live lives preventing them from being happy, and what better model to follow than one I know works?